My Issues with Parenting Today

The way that people parent now a days confounds me . From making every single decision into a giant debate, over reacting to nearly everything, and then the effort or lack their of that they actually put into raising kids. It surprises me that half of the kids that are being raised right now even make it to becoming a teenager, much less adulthood. What is the point of smothering them from birth, over protecting them when they are young; only to ignore them by the time they are in high school?

Infant to adulthood is a crucial time in parenting. There are so many decisions that need to be made that can shape the person that your child becomes. Every decision that you make from the day that they are born effects their life. I feel like every parent now not only wants to discuss but debate and judge every decision that another parent has made. "Oh you chose that for your child? That is so wrong because..(insert random opinion here). I don't get it. Why does how I am raising my child or some random celebrity's opinion matter? What happened to trusting the doctor that went to school for years to become a pediatrician? Oh, so you heard that someone somewhere had XYZ happen so now you definitely won't be following the advice of a licensed professional?  That definitely sounds like great parenting. I know that when I was making decisions for my children I did research and talked to my pediatrician about my concerns. Now, it seems like every one with Google is a licensed physician. I am not going to hash out the issues (that's a whole different matter). My point is that it is the beginning of a slippery slope. 

People have started to ignore basic parenting skills that have been passed down for generations in order to create the chaos in the world. Baby won't sleep, let it sleep with you. Child throwing tantrum, don't punish them, negotiate with the tiny terrorists. Oh, and GERMS!!! Oh my goodness, the germs. You wonder why your kid is sick all the time? LET THEM PLAY!!!!! It's perfectly fine for little Johnny to eat dirt once in a while. It is okay for Timmy and Jenny to play in the creek. Stop coddling the children and let them be children. If they fall, let them be for a second. You will know instantly if they are not okay. Kids need to learn to handle situations on their own. If they are sick and have a little fever, it's okay not to rush to give them meds right away. They need to build up their immune system. If the fever is insanely high or doesn't break, go for it. If my kids are sick, I snuggle with them, make them soup, give them hot tea and lots of water. I don't understand the coddling. People breed weakness. You wonder why Alice still cries like a 2 year old at 10? It is because she never learned how to be okay without the need for someone stepping in. Bobby acting like a jerk and won't talk to you at 15. Maybe that is because you gave in every single time and created a kid who thinks the whole world owes him something. 

The thing that makes me the angriest is the parents who act like they are good parents and yet have no clue what/who their kids actually are. There is so much focus on Bobby wanting to be Brenda or Judy wanting a tattoo and piercings at 12. THEY ARE STILL CHILDREN!!!! It makes me seething mad when I hear the parent say "I didn't know". HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW KAREN?? You didn't know that your kid was so sad that they thought suicide was the only way out? You didn't know that your kid was so angry that they wanted to commit murder? You didn't know that you created a child that thought that rape was okay? I don't understand how a parent can over look all of the warning signs that their kid was giving out. How do you not see that they are in need of help? Stop giving your kid stuff and start giving them attention. Have board game nights with no phone, have limits on social media, have an open door policy with your kids, stop being so close minded and over bearing. You coddled them, you ignored them, and you are responsible for them being who they are. If your kid won't talk to you or come to you with their issues, find someone that they will talk to. There has to be communication and boundaries. I hear people say that you can't be your kid's friend. BULL! You can be their parent and their friend, it just takes work. 

Parenting isn't just for 18 years, its for life. Stop making excuses and listen to the people who have been through it. Have restrictions and rules, draw the line, but let them explore and stretch their legs. Why is it okay for little kids to have a sex change but smoking vape or weed is the end of the world? Why is it okay for kids to act like jerks and talk back to you? When did punishing our children become the end of the world? We need to stop acting like the way that we were raised was wrong. We need to take the control back as parents. There is so much wrong with the world today. Stop being mad because you hated spanking and your parents being nosey. If your parents wouldn't have been like that, how much more stuff would you have tried? If you wouldn't have been punished as a child, what kind of things would you have done? What kind of person would you be? Instead of only researching the POSSIBLE outcomes of vaccinations, research the diseases that vaccines protect against. Is a rash the end of the world? Yes, there are circumstances that dictate how kids should be raised. I understand that there are people who honestly believe that they are doing the right thing. The problem is that people have created children that think they run the world. There has to be someone that stand up and says "that's enough". Be that parent. Be the type of parent that builds a better tomorrow. 

Annoyed By Your Kids During Breaks?

So, since I am out of work at the moment, I have been doing a lot of reading. There are so many articles and Facebook posts on "how to deal with your kids on snow days or breaks". Are you kidding me?! They are wild because they are used to the structure that school provides. So, instead of reading a post or article on how to deal with them, how about you be a parent. If you are bothered by your children, you should be asking yourself why. There are plenty of things that you can do with them to make you all happy.


Things you should do with your kids while they are home from school:

•  play a board game
•  play a video game
•  watch a movie
•  play a card game
•  go on a nature walk
•  go to the museum
•  learn what they like and do it!

I can't understand people's constant need to push their children away from them. There are people who go through life wanting children without the ability to have them. There are people who suffer the loss of a child that they wish they could hold/see one more time. You are lucky to have them to hold and cherish. Your children are not slaves and they shouldn't be a burden or chore. If either of these are true then you have a massive issue on your hand. You should enjoy your kids while they are young. They should be the light in your life. Think about it this way, they are only little for a short time. They are going to grow up fast and be gone off to start their own family. Be the light of their life and keep them enjoying every part of their childhood.

The Everyday Journey of Anxiety

I usually reserve my blog for ideas, tips, and tricks on parenting.  However, I realize that there's so much more that goes into being a parent. Every aspect of what I go through on a daily basis leads into the choices that I make as a parent.  I thought it would be good to share what I am going through and how I am handling it. 

Some days I am a giant ball of anxiety and depression. Those days I don't want to do anything more than curl up on the couch in a hoodie and a fuzzy blanket. These are also the days that I work the hardest at being a mom.  I push my feelings and thoughts of negativity aside for them.  I think this is where I make a mistake.  Yes, it's good for me to push through for the kids and make them my priority. However, if I don't come back and deal with how I am feeling and take care of myself; my depression and anxiety will only get worse.  I need to make the time to take care of myself and to work through the things that weigh me down. 

As parents, we put so much stress on ourselves.  The stress to provide the kids with what they need.  The stress to give them a happy life.  The stress of giving them enjoyable memories. We spend so much time focusing on what we aren't doing and forget to live in the moment.  Later, we stress over not living in the moment.  Living each day stressing over the next ruins the experience of living your best life.  We spend so much time focusing on making the next day, the next week, the next year better.  We forget to enjoy the time that we have.  

I've always told my kids to find a positive in every experience. I've told them to enjoy every day for what it is, no matter what happened.  While I do believe this for the most part, I think that some days just suck. Those are the days that we struggle to find the positive vibes to push through.  We forget our reason and focus on the negativity of the situation.  Even though the negative times in our lives push us to work harder, be stronger, and do better.  It doesn't make them suck any less.  

How do we over come this? How can we make it through the dark times? If there was an easy solution or quick pro tip we would all do it.  I survived cancer and went through chemo with less stress, anxiety and depression than I do going through my day to day life. How? By making a plan. By making daily goals that lead to my ultimate goal of going home to my kids and being healthy. By journaling and talking about everything that was stressing me out. Why is that having cancer and going through what's supposed to be hardest battle of my life is easier than the struggles of everyday? It's because cancer has an end game, a plan, set dates and times that every thing is going to happen.  If something does go wrong then plan changes and a new plan goes into action.  

So, my goal is to do just that.  Set goals, dates, and times to achieve what needs to be done.  To be realistic in my goals and realize that just like during my battle I will have set backs.  I will have to make new plans and adjust.  I will have to stop beating myself up over what I can't do or couldn't be done and focus on my end goal. I will have to question my process and journal exactly what works and what doesn't.  Keeping myself on track by ensuring that even bad days show us how to get to good ones.  

Pain is the road to getting stronger.  The ups and downs of life will shape us into who we are supposed to be. 

Teaching Our Children Love and Understanding of Humanity

From the second we open our eyes and draw our first breath of life, we learn. All we know at that moment is the love and warmth of the person holding us. That feeling should be our driving force in life. However, sometimes this is not the case. In a world of darkness and hate, we should always be our children's guiding light. They follow our lead and learn to do as we do. We have to teach them what is right, even if it means putting aside our own emotions. As we grow, we learn the ways of the world. We see the beauty and ugliness and it begins to shape our opinions.

Kids are not born seeing things the way adults do. They see everyone equally, as we all should. They don't see the color of someones skin, religion, or sexuality. They see a person, another human being just like them. This is what we should allow them to believe. No matter our feelings. Children should be allowed to form their own opinions through life experiences. We shouldn't teach them to trust everyone. That's a different story. Understanding isn't blind trust. Instead, teach them to have a general respect for everyone that they meet.  They shouldn't look at a person and judge them based on that. They should learn to get to know people and judge them based on who they are as a whole. Kids shouldn't know the hatred of the world. They should be able to go through life with a positive outlook. They should be able to make friends with other kids and enjoy their childhood.

As a child my house was a cultural melting pot. My parents came from very different backgrounds. My mother came from a Native American background with her father being part Irish. My father came from Czech and Polish immigrant parents. When I was young my mother married a Hispanic man and I was able to learn a whole new culture and language. My mother had a respect for everyone and taught us to be the same. She would take us to multi-cultural events and invited people to share their life lessons with us. She taught us to love everyone and be there for those who need us regardless of their background. 

As a a parent, I strive to teach my children all the ways of the world. I teach my children about the different cultures and religions of the world. We have friends and family in  different religions, cultures, and sexual orientations. Our kids are constantly questioning everything and want to learn more and more. I work to get them to understand the world in its entirety. We invite people to share their experiences and lives with us. We have learned various religions and cultures and begun to incorporate different things into our lives. 

Kids should be able to see the beauty in all things. They should be able to have a positive outlook on life. They should be able to make friends based on someone being a good person. They shouldn't look down upon another person because they don't believe the same things. They should be able to use it as another opportunity to learn. They should treat all people equally. Kids are the most beautiful beings on Earth when they have a pure heart. Let's work together to change the heart of the world by raising children without the hate of the world. 

When I started my blog and eventually my YouTube channel, I did it to inform people and de-stress. After starting back to work I realize how much work it takes in order to keep it all going.  I have notes and ideas all over my phone and journal.  I just need to find the time to sit down and get them written all out.  I appreciate those who stick by me while I keep this going.  Thanks to those who reached out to check on me as well.  I should have new content out soon.  😁

Mommy's Little Demons and How to Handle Them

We've all been there. That moment where your kid is acting up, acting out, or does something that makes you want to lose your mind. The moment of pure shock that your child would say or do something like that. Whether it is a temper tantrum or just your kid picking that moment to be a complete asshole. I can tell you that I have most definitely been there. There have even been times that I have wanted to move to Canada and change my name. I'm going to give you my advice on how to handle the situation without losing your shit!

1. The most important thing is not to freak out or laugh. Yes, I am definitely guilty of both of these, especially laughing. I try to remember that these types of reactions give the wrong impression to the child. Hardly ever does a situation warrant yelling or freaking out. Laughing makes the child think that what they have done is acceptable. It's hard to make them understand that the behavior is bad because you laughed at it.

2. Remove yourself from the situation, when possible. Yes, I realize how hard this is. Yes, I realize that most of the time you are alone when things like this happen. Put the kid in their room, in their crib, or put on a show. Take a few minutes to collect yourself. It's important that you are in the right headspace to deal with the situation.

3. Take deep calming breaths and count down from 5. Calming breaths not only help you to relax, they help you to start to gather your thoughts. Sometimes, situations can warrant doing this a few times.

4. Sit down and explain to the child, why what they did was wrong. Explain a better way that they can ask for something or tell you that they are having a bad day. Now, this only works on children over 2. For younger kids, you just have to calm them down and continue on with your day.

Every situation and every child is different. There will be times when you are unable to remove yourself from the situation. You will be driving or at the store. You'll be at someone's house or at an amusement park. You have to remain in control or they will walk all over you. We all have bad days and so do they. If you lose your shit, don't beat yourself up. We have all been there as well. Try to keep a level head and stay calm. You've got this!

Parenting In Summer

This is something that every parent has to deal with. Finding that perfect blend of responsibility and freedom that comes with summer. I know that when I was a kid, we had chores we had to do before we were aloud to go out to play. For me as a parent, I allow my kids a little more freedom. Most days, we all have two things we must do in order to gain our "freedom".

1. We must do something productive for ourselves. This can include reading a book, working on a personal project, or anything that improves our daily life.

2. We must do one thing that is good for our household. This includes doing at least one chore or making our house better in some way.

Now, when I say freedom, I don't mean lazing around falling into the blue glow of electronic happiness all day long. Lord knows, I would totally do that. Once in a while, sure, but not every single day. What I mean is enjoying every day for what it has the potential to be. Us as parents, sometimes forget that kids need to be kids. Kids need the freedom to play video games, play water balloons, go to the park, and even just sit on the couch and enjoy their favorite show.

Most of us don't like our kids falling into their phones, tablets or video games for the entire summer. At that point, we need to give them alternate options. Telling a kid to simply just go play all the time doesn't work. Personally, I like ensuring that my house is full of board games and crafts. In the age of technology, there are kids out there that have NEVER played checkers. I'm not even kidding! I have met kids that didn't know how to play guess who or even candy land. How is this possible? Your kids know what Fortnite and Five Nights at Freddy's are but not checkers! Ok, not going into a rant, nope...no rant.

Us as parents need to spend time with our kids doing fun things that they want to do. Here are some ideas that me and my kids enjoy all year long.

1. Play a video game-- pick up a controller and sit down with your kids. Play whatever game they are into currently. Yes, you might suck at it, oh well! Your kids will get a kick out of teaching you how to play! It's good to know exactly how your kid spends their time. Plus, who knows, you might enjoy it!!!

2. Do a craft-- there are so many things out there that you can do together. Even better, the dollar store now carries the majority of the supplies for most crafts. Anything from doing a tie dye to making slime will keep them and you busy and having fun! The best advice I can give is to pick up a table cloth at the dollar store to keep your mess contained.

3. Go for a walk- you can literally do a couple laps around the block and get some exercise. You have time to talk about whatever is on their mind. Also, it encourages them to get out and enjoy nature. I try to do this at least once a week all year long. You can even make a game or treasure hunt out of it.

The main point I am trying to get across is that we all should spend more time WITH our kids and less time sending them away from us. What better way of keeping our kids happy all summer and fighting with us less than to actually hang out with them! Let the kids pick the activity of the day or make a schedule for the week. Keep them and you happy and busy!

Live life to its fullest every day and show them how to do the same.